Gents: You've just started something new and wonderful with some awesome, gorgeous lassie...you've been really hitting it off on a few dates and are ready to take it to the next level... But, despite her repeated applications over your cocktails, right in front of you, you're not sure whether she'll be as keen as you to include all those thick, shining colours she wears with you in the bedroom?
Ladies: You're anxiously eyeing your room, after getting done *to the nines* for a date, feeling as sexy and slinky and glorious as can be, and suddenly realise, never mind you have more tubes of creamy colour than shoes...but that you only felt *that way* after finishing your make-up... And you're wondering, “Hang on, do I have a lipstick fetish? Is *this*, finally, the niche I can now know I belong to?”
Ladies and gentlemen, spare yourselves the endless spidering across the web for some questionnaire or article for your answer, and look no further! I've got you covered! (Ideally in gleaming shades ;-) )
And, to make sure you're spared any and every ambiguity, this here little “How To” even comes (oooooh, me and my puns) with handy visual references... Cause I just love being a helpful lass ;-)
[Caveat: if you answer yes to aaaaaall of them, you are utterly incurable...and reeeeeeeeeeeeally should ping me...or Edd. We promise to do our *utmost* to give you a happy, healthy outlet for your stunning and scintillating predilection ;-) ]
First tell: The house
[None of the next 7 images associated with this question have been staged in any way!!!]
Do you keep finding a tube or two (or several!) spread in, never mind the expected places, but pretty much every room...?
Like in the incoming mail bowl on the coffee table?
Or by the desktop in the workspace? [Author's note: my deal is soooo bad even my little niece and nephews, by one brother, elected to get *that* mug for me for Christmas!]
Or as somewhere *totally random* as *this*?! [I mean seriously! Oh, kiss rose on day note in the background soooo patented by me! Came up with using those aaaaages ago!]
Or how about this random tub of old beloveds, amongst family photos and bits and bobs, by my writing desk?
Brownie point 1: When you find them where you actually expect to, they clearly are on embellished display....
Brownie point 2: Despite the fact that you've just stumbled on about a total of a dozen tubes, while moving from room to room, you find a make-up box as big as or bigger than a shoe box brimful of those vestiges of pleasure...
Biggest Brownie Point Of All: There's a pile of them on the corner of the bedside table that's the closest to bed! [This Brownie Point is quadrupled if there is sex toy in close proximity to the tubes...regarding this illustrative example, see the “Lifting the Veil – Part 2” post ;-) ]
In the next few images, we'll be using my entire collection of 195 different colours (with two mysterious, unaccounted
So. Depending on your vantage point/familiarity with the subject, these next five questions can soooo help you Seal The Deal on their Lipstick Fetish Status...
for lipstick lids, sans tubes), to see just how bad (in the *best* sense of the word) my deal is...
Second Tell: The state of the tubes themselves...First question: Is a whole bunch of the bounty worn down to past the edge of the tube?
[Fun Fact about Yours Truly: my Ultimate Sexy Time is when, in *one* session of Sexy Time, I get to lay a favourite tube *to waste*!]
Of my collection, we've got 71 in this category...
[To see more detail of the states of the tubes in this, and the next 2 images, you'll need to click on them, if you haven't already figured that out....]
Question 2: Are there a fair amount of broken lipsticks? Sure, the cheap makes can break easily...but if you're seeing a bunch of the high calibre tubes simlarly effected...it's quite likely these babies are just being used in the traditional manner... I tallied up 48 in this category and I can definitely tell you pretty much all of those were not broken randomly ;-)
Question 3: Are a whooole stack (ideally more than half) of those glinting sticks of bliss misshapen? *Specifically* to say more uniformly rounded at the tip and scoured down the length (especially if scouring lines are not uniformly horizontal)...?If you answered yes to this question, you score Such A Win!!! Such an obvious deviancy from the normal production appearance of the actual lipstick *categorically proves* it's been put in maaaaaany places *other than* the upper lips. The more rounded the tip and deviant the length, the *better* [Author's note: Scour marks, of *any* blatancy, score the highest points though... Irrespective of the degree to which a lass treats her “foliage”, whether opting for shaving or waxing , The Only Thing That Means is that that tube has an intimate relationship with the lower lips... nom nom nom...]
[Further Author's Note: As a lass who keenly knows this, and y'all have seen here how a few of my favourite colours are in that state...yeah, I do occasionally worry that someone will bust me when I retouch with one of those tubes in public....unless I'm at least around one of my playmates or Edd at the time...the reapplication then becomes another public Private Secret :-) Sweeeeeeeeetness...]
[Bonus commentary: After the past several years of shoots with my playmates, yes, soooooooo yes, if any of the lovely lasses leaves their set tubes behind, that is to say, the ones used on them in this manner...I take *utter delight* in using those as my colours for the evening (*all* my lips) and my retouches throughout (the utter and ultimate public Private Secret! For future reference, keep your eyes on lipstickstories.com, and all those gorgeous girls there that aren't me in those sets, when they are released, to discover which shades those have been that I've put to *yet further use* :-) ]
Of my collection, we've got a delicious total of 122 tubes in this category :-)
Aaaaaand now we're down to the two Ultimate tells....
Question 4: Do you frequently find obviously coloured stains inside items of your/your lady's underwear?
[Woo hooooo!!! Paradise is yours!!!]
Question 5: When you're Getting Down To It.... Is the act, by the discovery of a bit a, errr (more like purrrrrr!), obstacle, a bit of a disruption to the flow of passion?
[All The Win is yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You Win Paradise!!! You Win Winning!!! Just have it aaaaaall!!!!!!!]
And this concludes your *ever so deliciously enjoyed* compilation of this guide...
Especially because...you know...?
I've got aaaaall these lipsticks here with me....
And I think I'm going to need *both* my hands...
For the rest of the day ;-)
