One for the ladies in the audience (some DIY jazz)

Regardless of whether lipstick is your *thing* or not, if you’ve currently found yourself on the road of investigating and freeing your sexuality, you may find some of these tips from Yours Truly, of assistance. Generally, when one is becoming acquainted with themselves as a sexual being, this means getting thoroughly more acquainted with one’s reproductive anatomy, yes ladies, your vaginas. I highly recommend, in this regard, getting rid of shrubbery that would thwart your exploration and can thoroughly assure you that you’d be amazed at what a substantial difference it makes. How much better you will be able to recognise the contours and undulations of the skin…and just how much more you’ll understand the intimate workings of your lady bits when you can actually see them…

For your benefit I’ve squeezed in 6 years of unguided, uninformed solo work so you don’t have to find out the hard way, namely the route Lady Lipstick had to traverse.
(If you are interested in cavorting with lipstick, some penny-saving advice follows)

Tip 1, do not, under any circumstances, mow yourself down with a razor. It’s a really, really stupid idea. If you’re under duress or it’s a spur-of-the-moment thing that may pass as quickly as it came and you simply do not have the necessary accessories, fine, but make sure it happens as rarely as possible, the price to pay is not worth it.
Shaving your (if you’re anything like me, oftentimes glittering) lily, is not, in any way, like shaving your legs or armpits. You will bleed, there’s no getting around that, not even being able to do the splits will help you. The area is just too tricky and the dimples around each hair are non-negotiable. And, for godsake, the itch of regrowing hairs in the most sensitive part of your body is entirely unbearable.
Nevermind that you’re just going to get coarser hairs that keep growing back faster everytime. With all due respect, fuck that, and I don’t mean that in the pleasant sense of the term.

Tip 2, though this is more of an order than it is advice… is that depilating is the way forward, or if you’re big into your S and M, hot waxing. This prevents the aforementioned torture and you’ll find you need to do it less and less frequently. But, once more, no shortcuts here. Don’t try those “quick fix” easy application hair removal gels or mousses. The risk of unbearable burning or nasty rashes are very high and the one’s supposedly made for “the bikini area” never, ever get the job done properly, whatever the brand.
You need to just bite back your pride and take some time out in ridiculous-looking positions on your bathroom floor. And always have a trusty, portable, adjustable mirror with you. If you’re not a seasoned veteran like your Lady Lipstick, for the first couple of times you probably won’t take too kindly to the slight, tingling burning if you get the depilating crème on your clit or labia. This, however, gets less and less worse each time, or at least more and more bearable… maybe even somewhat pleasant.
Tip 3: Take your time, don’t rush it and don’t worry too much about the warnings on the product, eg: “do not use in the genital or perennial area”, honestly, you’ll be fine, it’s very, very, very special cases that are going to react badly, I have medical knowledge on this. If you’re paranoid, do a tiny test strip anywhere, but don’t be so paranoid that you think the slightest tingle means you’re going to need to be rushed to the hospital. There’s too many such warnings on cosmetic products for women that leave too many of us paralysed in fear, afraid of taking the slightest risk cause we’re shivering like nervous little puppies. Take it from moi, you have nothing to fear.

And last but not least, treat yourself to small tub of zinc cream from your local pharmacist. This is to rub on once the deed’s been done. It’s just what the doctor ordered. It will also make sure the skin becomes more and more resilient to whatever crème you’re going to baste it in for forthcoming sessions. Or, if you succumbed to whatever pressure and razed yourself with blades, woe betide you, it’ll help the nicks heal much faster and will be the ultimate soothing balm. If the zinc cream is beyond your wallet’s reach (though it really is an excellent investment) your next best deal is aqueous cream (which feels kinda sexy to smear on) or, if all else fails, your bogstandard Vitamin E cream.

And if you lovely ladies are *tickled pink* by a bit of lipstick play, here’s my last two morsels of advice…

Firstly, when it comes to decorating the juicy bits you’re going to need to prepare yourself for a game of “how expensive”…
Take my word for it, you’re just not going to get a thick, silky coat to stick in the southern regions unless it’s quality stuff…unfortunately it tends to get hot down there (in every sense of the term) and some of these quality sticks…er…buckle in the heat. There’s nothing quite so sad as breaking a stick of colour that drove you wild to smear across your northern lips. Particularly if it was a stunning colour…that goes with your favourite going-out number…and also happened to cost quite a pretty penny…
(This is the bit where Lady Lipstick cutely pouts at her readership for sponsorship for her…*habit*. I like going out to town with secret butterflies etc, okay? Stew me.)
One must also take into consideration the detail of the terrain…it gets substantially more funky than your delectable pout girls…
My advice for picking out the more resilient lipsticks is this little test: preheat the tube, hold it in your hand for about 10-30 minutes, depending whether you’re putting up with summery or wintry weather… then give it a test smearing on the lips everyone can see. Sloooowly does it… Don’t push too hard or too soft, the object is to see that you’re getting all the colour you want on your flesh without your lipstick breaking right out of the tube. You need not try this test with Rimmel or Elizabeth Arden sticks…I’m afraid they can’t handle it. Such a pity… On the otherhand, if you’re packing L’Oreal (lasting colour of course ;-) ) in your cosmetic bag…you’re ready to go! Some Revlon sticks pass the test too.

Now go out there and have some fun already.

And remember girls, your pussy is beautiful ;-)